Ok. Super beings are defined by their weaknesses. Superman can not be around kryptonite. Green Lantern can't handle the color yellow. Batman is plagued by the fact that he's too awesome. The list goes on. Vampires can not be in the sun. They melt. That is the defining characteristic of vampires. "Blood drinking, check. Wooden stake weakness, check. Sunlight weakness, check." "Ok boys, it looks like we have ourselves a vampire." It's a very simple identification process.
Edward Cullen does not melt in the sun. He GLITTERS. Let me repeat that for effect. Edward Cullen, a vampire, turns into a disco ball in the sunlight. I can't wait to read Stephanie Meyer's next book where a zombie is misunderstood. He doesn't want BRAAAAINS, but instead he holds a deep love of butterscotch toffee. He then teams up with a werewolf who only avoids silver because he thinks it's a bit pretentious. (I think that last bit might actually happen in a later book. I'm scared.)
I'm now going to try to relate Edward Cullen's appeal as best I can from the perspective of a guy. I'll start off by going back to the age of 7 when I played outside using nothing but my imagination. *waves hand in the air* A stick becomes a sword. A woodpile becomes a castle....until something terrible happens. An imaginary arms race.
"My sword is sharper." "My bow shoots swords." "My sword shoots lazers." "I have a pet dinosaur...with a sword." "I have an anti-dinosaur rocket launcher." and so on, and so forth.
Edward Cullen is the female equivalent. "I want a guy that is exotic." "I want a guy that is mysterious." "Yeah, yeah, good one....let's make him rich too." "Great, also, he needs to be muscular." "Oh, well, of course. He needs to be absolutely beautiful." "Naturally, naturally....you think there's any way we can make him glow?" "You mean like some beautiful dazzling object of a man?" "Yeah, exactly." "Sure, we can do that. I'll just make him a vampire." "Vampires sparkle?" "I think so." "Ok."
I will honestly be surprised if Edward doesn't shoot rainbows out of his finger tips, and pull kittens out of his pockets soon.
Turning the page,
Randon
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4 comments:
the zombie part - very funny.
i went into reading the book not knowing much about vampires, so i really had no expectations of how he was "supposed" to be.
besides, whoever said that vampires HAD to follow this certain criteria? they are inhuman...isn't it their job to do things that surprise us?
I don't want to ruin the book for you, but he definitely does have the ability to shoot things from his finger tips. not rainbows though. that's lame.
Vampires have the ability to shoot anti-dinosaur rockets from their fingers. duh.
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